Within the fall of 2022, I used to be identified with Stage 2 B-cell, non-specific, non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. My oncologist mentioned it was a very uncommon and aggressive type of most cancers and that I wanted intense chemotherapy instantly. For the subsequent six months, I spent per week dwelling on the Oncology ward of a hospital in Columbia, Missouri. Fortunately for me, on February 6, 2023, I acquired to “Ring the Bell,” signaling that my most cancers was gone.
Throughout that half yr, I wrote poems about what I used to be going via. The poems ranged from the primary telephone name by which the physician’s workplace reported that I had most cancers, to the day I rang the bell. They had been about all the pieces in between, each feeling that each most cancers affected person has ever skilled. The poems had been about despair and doubt, but in addition about hope and religion. Some poems had been satirical, even humorous. In spite of everything, it is easy to poke enjoyable at an previous man strolling across the ground dragging his IV pole along with his butt hanging out the again of a type of hospital robes.
Equally, it is not onerous to jot down about mediocre, taste-free hospital meals. I ultimately realized to order DoorDash. My pockets had been at all times crammed filled with scribbled notes. Enthusiastic about the poems and writing them gave me goal aside from to easily endure the six months. I used to be making lemonade from the bitter lemon life gave me.
Month after month, I despatched out the person poems to magazines, journals, and nationwide associations associated to most cancers. To my amazement, each poem was ultimately accepted and revealed. After my remedy, I compiled the poems chronologically right into a ebook and penned a foreword. The ebook, “Working from the Reaper: Poems from an Impatient Most cancers Survivor,” got here out that Might. This spring, the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society added the ebook to their “Advised Studying” web page on their web site. Hundreds of thousands of individuals now know in regards to the little ebook that was written for anybody going via most cancers, or for anybody who cares for somebody with most cancers. I’m happy to share two poems from “Working from the Reaper” — one written early on; the opposite on the finish:
The Fighter
People at all times say that individuals identified with most cancers are “fighters.”
“He is combating most cancers,” they are saying.
However I am not so certain.
I simply completed my second cycle of chemo —
per week within the hospital each occasions.
I am no fighter. I am a surrenderer.
I simply lie in mattress giving in to the remedy
letting the docs and nurses put no matter they need into me:
Cling one other bag of chemo,
swallow a heap of tablets,
roll over for a spinal infusion.
“We’re killing you to save lots of you,” they remind me every single day.
And so they’re not mendacity. I’ve misplaced ten kilos already. All muscle.
I am no fighter.
I am just a bit, frail, balding, and frightened previous man
mendacity in my sick mattress waving somewhat white flag
torn from my pillow.
Checkmate
To cross time, I generally performed chess throughout hospital stays.
Regardless of my chemo mind, I might nonetheless beat most challengers.
On the final day of six excruciating months of chemo,
Loss of life comes and we play a sport. It was the primary time
I might seen him since we ate churros within the desert.
A number of occasions, he had me in opposition to the ropes, however I fought again,
took all his pawns, killed his queen, and chased his king right into a nook.
“Checkmate!” I gloat, toppling his king. “You lose.”
As a sullen Loss of life departs, he stops and glares over his shoulder.
“, Johnny Boy,” he hisses along with his forked tongue.
“This is not over. I will be seeing you sometime.”
“Sometime,” I reply with a smirk as I perform a little pleased dance.
“However not at present.”
For a yr or so after I completed the grueling chemo protocol, I wrote some 40 to 50 blogs for CURE. I wrote till I had nothing left to share. I am pleased to let you know that I’ve had a few dozen follow-up appointments since that sunny February morning. There is not any signal of my most cancers returning.
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