I’ve follicular lymphoma, a type of blood most cancers that’s thought-about very treatable, however power and incurable. I used to be identified in July 2020 and was declared to haven’t any proof of illness — remission — in December 2020.
Final week, round Wednesday or Thursday, I began to really feel sick. I largely felt ache within the again proper nook of my tongue that got here and went. Then my throat began to really feel just a little sore. I believed it was allergy symptoms, till Saturday, after I awakened with a light fever. A chilly, I figured, proper up till Saturday afternoon, when it become a headache that prolonged into my neck, and a severe case of shivers. I took my temperature, and it was excessive: 102 levels Fahrenheit.
So I did what most individuals did, and I took some ibuprofen, my most popular anti-inflammatory. I dwell alone, so I contacted a buddy to verify on me. Then I spotted that my neck damage as a result of the lymph nodes had been swollen: the explanation my tongue damage. Now, this can be a fairly frequent symptom for many individuals.
It’s additionally a symptom of lymphoma as a result of white cells (the an infection fighters) are the mutated most cancers cells. As a result of they’re mutated, as a substitute of being filtered by the lymph nodes, they pile up and get caught there. So when my lymph nodes swell, even when I’ve an inexpensive, non-cancer clarification, it freaks me out.
Intellectually, I knew they had been swollen from an an infection. The fever made that fairly apparent and in addition defined the shivers. It didn’t assist that I awakened later that evening sweating — evening sweats are one other symptom of lymphoma. Emotionally, I used to be not monitoring that nicely.
Including within the stress of an upcoming oncology verify, this coming Thursday (immediately is Tuesday), and I’m severely pressured. That is my first oncology go to with no scan, which implies that the one indicators my oncologist may have are the bodily examination and the blood work. The bodily examination goes to point out swollen lymph nodes, until they go down utterly by then, and my blood work, which I’ve already gotten again, exhibits elevated ranges of just about each sort of white cell, which fights an infection.
My white cell counts have been low since I used to be handled as a result of the remedy I used to be given was designed to kill off a selected sort of white cells, referred to as B-cells since they had been the cancerous cells. Now they’re just about all within the regular vary, as a result of the an infection triggered a big improve, which is what is meant to occur, in order that’s good. But it surely might additionally point out a relapse, which might be actually, actually unhealthy.
Once more, intellectually, I do know that it’s nearly definitely as a result of an infection. That is how your physique is meant to react to an an infection. My emotional response, nonetheless, is totally irrational, a whole, gibbering worry that the most cancers is again. Or that the intersection of signs will make it unimaginable for my oncologist to make sure that an infection, quite than relapse, is the trigger, and I’ll have to attend days, in all probability weeks, for the an infection to clear my system and get new testing achieved. Even which may not be conclusive.
Remission is a superb factor. However many individuals I do know don’t perceive why I nonetheless fear about relapse as a result of I used to be handled, cured and that’s it. But it surely’s not. It’s a relentless supply of stress, questioning if any little change is the one which alerts a relapse. I’ll know extra after my oncology appointment, however I’ll not know sufficient. And even when my oncologist is bound, I don’t know that I will likely be.
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