Earlier than most cancers had a reputation in my life, I used to be simply me — a girl juggling goals, household, and the unending checklist of issues that make up a full, busy life. I wasn’t excited about hospitals or lab outcomes or how fragile the physique might be. I used to be excited about residing — constructing one thing significant and delightful.
In April 2023, I purchased Belle Toi Salon and Spa Studio — my dream come true. Belle Toi means “Lovely You” in French, and that’s precisely what I wished it to symbolize. Not simply manicures and haircuts, however transformation — a spot the place folks might stroll in heavy and go away lighter, renewed, and seen. I poured each ounce of myself into it — my fingers, my coronary heart, and my religion.
Life was full. My husband, Keith, was my regular rock; my daughter, Justine, was discovering her personal path. I used to be 47, wholesome, and stuffed with plans. Most cancers wasn’t even a thought.
Then one extraordinary day, throughout a routine checkup, my OBGYN observed I hadn’t had a colonoscopy. I laughed and mentioned, “Don’t make me older than I’m! I’m solely forty-seven.” She smiled and mentioned, “The rules modified — it’s forty-five now. I need you to stroll throughout the corridor at the moment and schedule it.”
So, I did. Not as a result of I believed it mattered, however as a result of she instructed me to. That quick stroll — one small, obedient step — saved my life.
Every week later, I wakened from my colonoscopy anticipating to listen to “all clear.” As a substitute, my physician’s eyes instructed a special story. “We discovered a mass,” he mentioned gently. “We imagine it’s most cancers.”
Time froze. The phrases colorectal most cancers didn’t really feel actual. I used to be wholesome, sturdy, residing my dream. After I instructed Keith, I might see the worry in his eyes whilst he tried to remain sturdy. “I’ve bought a fifty-fifty likelihood,” I mentioned. “And I’m going to beat this.”
That evening, I whispered to God, “Please don’t let this be the top. Not like this.” And someplace deep down, a quiet voice jogged my memory: This isn’t the top of your story.
While you hear the phrase “most cancers,” the world tilts. Each heartbeat feels unsure. I wished to battle — I simply didn’t understand how but. The medical doctors had a plan: chemo, radiation, surgical procedure if wanted. However earlier than that, worry pushed me into frantic analysis — particular diets, dietary supplements, miracle cures. Desperation can disguise itself as willpower. I attempted issues I shouldn’t have. Ultimately, I noticed the true energy wasn’t in chasing management — it was in trusting God and my medical crew.
January 2024 marked the start of therapy: six capsules a day, twenty-eight rounds of radiation, and months of chemotherapy. By day ten, my physique was screaming. By day twenty-eight, sitting was agony. My pores and skin burned, my vitality vanished. However I nonetheless confirmed as much as Belle Toi. Pretending to be okay was typically the one energy I had left.
On Might 22, 2024, my nurse smiled and mentioned, “That’s your final one.” She requested if I wished to ring the bell. “Not but,” I mentioned. “I need to be certain the beast is gone.” Later, I cried — not from pleasure, however from sheer reduction. I survived the therapy. Now I needed to survive the aftermath.
There’s one thing surreal about planning your individual funeral whilst you’re nonetheless alive. I met with my funeral director, calmly mentioned cremation, flowers, and music. It wasn’t give up — it was reclaiming management. Dealing with demise helped me determine how I wished to dwell. I sat in my automotive afterward, and daylight warmed my face, and thought, If I’m nonetheless respiratory, I’m nonetheless combating. If I’m nonetheless right here, I’m nonetheless right here.
The toughest a part of most cancers isn’t all the time the ache. It’s the mirror. I constructed a profession round magnificence, serving to others really feel radiant. Now my reflection regarded international — thinning hair, pale pores and skin, hole eyes. I started carrying scarves and make-up I referred to as “conflict paint.” Some days, I didn’t acknowledge myself. Different days, I noticed one thing new — a girl who had been damaged and rebuilt.
Belle Toi — Lovely You — took on a brand new that means. Magnificence wasn’t about perfection anymore. It was about surviving. One morning, I regarded within the mirror and whispered, “You’re nonetheless lovely — since you’re nonetheless right here.”
By mid-2025, energy started to return. My hair grew again in mushy waves. My laughter — actual laughter — got here again. My religion deepened. Check outcomes confirmed stability. No surgical procedure. No unfold. I used to be scarred, modified, however nonetheless right here.
Within the fall of 2024, after twenty years of claiming “no,” I lastly joined Keith on his beloved deer hunt. At 5 a.m., we climbed right into a blind beneath a chilly sky. At 7:58, a 9-point buck appeared — my first hunt, my first deer, my first time really feeling alive once more. The world was quiet, sacred. Nature healed me in methods drugs by no means might.
Most cancers took lots from me — however it didn’t take me. I’m softer, stronger, extra grateful. I’ve realized who really loves me and who I’m with out every little thing I believed I wanted. I’ve regarded demise within the eye and nonetheless chosen life.
I’m nonetheless right here. And as I maintain on to this promise, I whisper it daily:
“For I do know the plans I’ve for you,” declares the Lord,
“plans to prosper you and to not hurt you,
plans to offer you hope and a future.” — Jeremiah 29:11
This piece displays the creator’s private expertise and perspective. For medical recommendation, please seek the advice of your well being care supplier.
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