Dena Paluck is a mentor to different mother and father of kids with most cancers.
When Dena Paluck’s daughter, Laura, was recognized with osteosarcoma at age 9, Dena felt overwhelmed and alone as she supported her via 9 months of remedy.
Now that Laura is a wholesome, energetic swimmer, Dena is giving again as one of many first volunteer peer mentors for Most cancers Hope Community’s Hopeful Hearts program, which connects mother and father of kids with most cancers to others who’ve been via it.
CURE: Can you are taking us again to the second when your daughter, Laura, was recognized with osteosarcoma, and what these first few weeks felt like for you as her mom?
Dena: I am a most cancers survivor myself. I went via it about 15 years in the past, so I’ve been in that state of affairs the place I’m sitting within the examination room, and I’m instructed I’ve most cancers. I’ve additionally handled it via my mom, who handed away about 10 years in the past from most cancers. I’ve personally skilled each ends of the spectrum with a most cancers prognosis.
After I was instructed that Laura had osteosarcoma, it was overwhelming and terrifying. You don’t actually know what it means — however I additionally knew it didn’t essentially imply any specific end result. For me, it was concern and terror, after which in a short time it shifted to logistics. How are we going to take care of this? We each work full time, we have now an older youngster and a canine — what is that this going to appear like everyday? How lengthy is that this going to take?
I simply shoved all that terror and concern down, understanding I didn’t have any solutions anyway, and pivoted to the each day actuality of: how do you sleep in a hospital? How lengthy are we going to be right here? There’s a variety of data to soak up in a short time, and that modified my focus from “Oh my goodness, we’re coping with most cancers” to “Let’s take care of day-to-day life.”
What have been among the greatest emotional challenges you confronted throughout Laura’s remedy, and the way did you discover the power to maintain going?
You don’t know what’s going to hit, and that’s extremely tough — particularly as a result of I prefer to plan and know what’s coming. On this state of affairs, you simply don’t know.
Proper off the bat, I discovered that she didn’t wish to see me cry. She bought very upset if she noticed me upset. I needed to change my strategy. I needed to conceal my feelings, which was actually tough. I attempted to course of my emotions by myself time after which be current together with her.
However then different surprises popped up, like the truth that she couldn’t swallow tablets. Why would she be capable of? She was 9 years outdated and had by no means had an X-ray earlier than — by no means had something. Out of the blue we have been in a world the place she needed to take a variety of drugs that wasn’t non-obligatory, and most of it tasted terrible. She was already upset, and that made issues extremely traumatic.
They instructed me they may assist train her to take tablets, however you may’t take up every part they let you know. It took days — possibly a pair weeks — earlier than we realized we might truly train her. And as soon as we did, it took 5 minutes. She was superb at it. That one repair eliminated this big hurdle we’d been coping with.
These sorts of surprises have been the toughest — since you by no means know what’s coming. I leaned on coping mechanisms I had already developed — like embroidery, which had labored for me throughout COVID. However that didn’t assist for very lengthy. I began going for walks each time she was out of the room. That helped. Then I turned to studying. I rapidly discovered: if one thing works, do it. If it stops working, transfer on. Strive one thing else.
You talked about that in Laura’s remedy, you usually felt remoted. What sort of help or connection have been you hoping for throughout that point?
We’re very lucky to have an exquisite help system — a number of pals and neighborhood. However that is such a selected state of affairs. Even inside most cancers, osteosarcoma is extremely uncommon. I didn’t have anybody in my world who might actually relate to what I used to be going via.
We met households within the hospital who have been coping with the identical prognosis, however once you’re in it, you don’t have the capability to assist another person take care of it too. That was a spot. I didn’t have somebody who might relate instantly.
Everybody in my world was additionally related to me, so that they have been invested within the end result. That meant I couldn’t discuss in regards to the scariest ideas — like, what if she doesn’t make it? What if surgical procedure fails? She didn’t reply to chemo the way in which we’d hoped. However I couldn’t actually say that to anybody. Individuals would simply attempt to reassure me — and that’s not dangerous — nevertheless it wasn’t what I wanted.
I actually would have appreciated somebody who might let me discover these fears — somebody impartial, who wasn’t emotionally invested. Somebody who would let me take care of the fear earlier than I needed to dwell it out. Fortunately, I haven’t needed to — however I nonetheless really feel like I’ve by no means had area to course of what that might imply. That’s one thing I’m nonetheless making an attempt to work via.
Transcript has been edited for readability and conciseness
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