Linda Cohen is a survivor of small lymphocytic lymphoma and was recognized in 2009. Make amends for all of Linda’s blogs right here!
Each time I dress, I have a look at my legs and that determines what I put on. Will it’s a protracted gown in the present day or pants?
I’m on most cancers treatment, most likely for the remainder of my life, that now dictates my wardrobe. After I started taking this explicit BTK inhibitor within the type of a tablet for small lymphocytic lymphoma, I learn that one of many widespread unwanted effects was bruising simply. “OK,” I figured, “how dangerous might that be?”
Properly, let me let you know, it’s a ache. My whole left leg is discolored from bruising after taking it each 12 hours for 2 years.
I don’t assume that my left leg appears to be like like the traditional bruising unwanted effects of this treatment. I’ve had the simple bruising, however that goes away. That is worse than that. It appears to be like like an enormous, horrible stain and it’s now been two years. It doesn’t go away like regular bruises, and it appears to be slowly getting worse, spreading from above my ankle to beneath my knee. Did I point out that now it’s starting on my proper leg too?
Every month my pharmacist calls and asks if all the pieces continues to be OK with the drugs. Each month, I inform him the identical factor. I’m wonderful, however my leg is terrible. I discover myself complaining about the way it appears to be like to whichever pharmacist calls me. I clarify I can by no means put on a knee-length gown until it’s chilly sufficient to put on tights. I’ll by no means once more be capable of put on a traditional bathing swimsuit — I now put on lengthy swim pants. And I really feel unhappy listening to myself as a result of it’s a continuing reminder that I’m probably not wonderful in any respect. It impacts me psychologically. It’s laborious sufficient rising older, with continual most cancers, however to must be so restricted with my garments selections is annoying and sounds downright foolish once I hear myself categorical that. But, it’s a continuing reminder of my most cancers daily once I dress.
I’ve talked about in different articles that I’m the queen of reframing. I shortly say to the pharmacist, “It’s a small value to pay for feeling completely again to regular — filled with power to stay a high quality regular life.” I do know that cerebrally. I remind myself of it on a regular basis. Often, it helps me cope with it, however generally, I discover myself wishing to have my unstained legs again. I discover myself indignant with the truth that my legs decide my each day clothes selections, it doesn’t matter what I’ve deliberate for the day. It’s laborious to overlook that I’m dealing with most cancers for the remainder of my life once I’m coping with it a method or one other every day.
BUTI’ve realized alongside the way in which that it’s OK to be sincere with myself when I’ve these emotions. It’s wholesome to really feel and acknowledge these ideas. Then, I push myself to reframe it. I can’t emphasize sufficient how a lot this helps me. I reframe how superficial it’s to let my clothes limitations make me really feel this manner. I take into consideration how I felt earlier than this treatment and the way my life would have been for the previous two years with out it. I do know this treatment has given me the flexibility to stay a full life and I’ve typically referred to it as a miracle drug! So, I say to myself: You’re going to complain which you could’t present your naked legs anymore. Actually?
Identical to that, I remind myself that I’ve great gratitude for a lot of issues in my life, particularly this medication.
And similar to that, I’m again in a a lot better place.
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